He’s done before it even began

“He’s done before it even began. ”
That’s probably all I need to say, but I’m trying to put into words what the relationship with him was like.

First of all, we met on a dating app and only talked about Papico before arranging to meet in Shinjuku. After just one meal, we ended up starting a relationship, so I suppose it was bound to end this way.

Looking back, I’ve been called out by a few friends for jumping into a relationship after just one date. I’ve reflected on that, and while I understand their point, I can’t help but think of one excuse: I had a crush on the first date.
We agreed to meet in front of the JR Shinjuku Station East Exit, which, with its constant crowds, is really not a great spot for meeting up. But the moment he called my name, it felt like the noise around us suddenly faded, and I could only hear his voice clearly. At first, I thought it was just because he had a strong voice, but looking back, that doesn’t make sense—Shinjuku’s noise never dies down. Maybe I was already attracted to him from the very beginning. Or maybe that’s just an excuse I’m making now. Honestly, I don’t know anymore.

Even though I put so much effort into my appearance—doing things I don’t usually do—it didn’t seem to matter. Our relationship ended quickly, regardless. I also couldn’t bring myself to share my true feelings with him, which left me feeling frustrated and alone most of the time.

During the time we didn’t see each other, my feelings for him faded, but I still wanted to try to stay in love. He, however, was different—his feelings for me were already gone. I can’t help but wonder, did he ever truly like me in the first place? But thinking about that won’t change anything, so I might as well stop.

For the first time in my life, I got dumped by someone I thought liked me. There’s something so harsh about finding out that someone who once said they cared for you no longer does, and realizing it out of the blue. It’s hard to describe, but maybe I was more hurt than I realized.

But now, weeks later, any feelings I had for him have disappeared completely. It seems that love is something you can’t hold onto by yourself.

My nails have grown, and now the only thing left is the uneven pedicure I carefully applied. The time it took for my nails to grow represents how long I was in love.

It was a brief time, but I’m grateful that I was able to fall in love again, even if only for a little while.