The First and Last Letter I Send to You

You’re too honest.
You never show your tears.
You try to carry everything on your own.
People misunderstand you, thinking you're strong, even cold.
And eventually, they drift away, leaving you all alone.
When I first found you, you were by yourself.
It seemed like you had forced yourself to decide to "live alone."
You used to say,
“When I have conflicts with people, or when they leave me behind, from an outsider’s perspective, I’m probably the one at fault."
Hearing that, I realized how long you had been fighting on your own.
From that moment, I decided to create time with you, even if I had to force it.
You weren’t too happy about it at first, were you? Haha.
But the more time we spent together, the more I saw how kind, brave, and selfless you truly are.
The only thing you lacked was the courage to trust others, just a little.
You never showed your vulnerable side.
Even when you were on the verge of collapsing, even when you were about to cry or break down.
It made me think, "You’re so clumsy," but at the same time, I couldn’t stop the tears. I realized how long you’d been fighting alone.
So, the only thing I could do was stay by your side.
But when you finally started to open up, even just a little, I was overjoyed, like I could jump for joy.
I will never forget the first time you told me, "Thank you."
You used to believe that people would always leave, but now, you’re thinking about a future with me.
I can't even begin to express how huge that step is for you.
Knowing that you trust me—there are no words for how happy that makes me.
The more I see your strength and kindness, the more I understand how painful your lonely battles must have been.
That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to say it earlier.
That I only have a month left to live.
I ended up making the same mistake as you.
I believed that our future would just naturally continue.
But in the end, I can’t stay by your side.
In the end, I’ll disappear from your life.
In the end, I’m going to leave you alone again.
I wonder, what are you thinking of me right now?
Are you angry after reading this letter? Disappointed?
Or are you crying for me?
I’m sorry for leaving you.
I’m sorry for making you lonely again.
But I won’t say, “You’re not alone.”
All I want to tell you is that the strength and kindness you showed me—those are my greatest treasures.
I hope they have become just as precious to you.
Your future holds endless possibilities.
I want you to reach for them with your own hands.
If the memories we made together can be even a small support for you, then that alone makes me happy.
As you move forward, know that I will continue to live on inside you, loving you always.
I felt your strength and kindness every day, and I know how tough it must have been for you.
That’s why I pray from the bottom of my heart that you never lose that strength and kindness as you continue to live.
May you have days filled with happiness and joy.
Even if I’m no longer here, I believe there is something wonderful waiting for you ahead.
I will always love you.