自己紹介（中途半端な音楽鑑賞史) Introduction (A Half-Assed Listening History)

僕の師匠（元会社のボスだけど今でも時々会ったら必ず人生アドバイス一杯聞かせられる人）が僕に何回も言った：
As my master (ex-boss who when I occasionally meet these days still never fails to give me unsolicited life advice) always said: 

「人の一番好きな話題は何か知っている？自分の事なんだよ。」
“Do you know what everyone’s favorite conversation topic is? It’s themselves.”

この名言はナンパ師の本に書かれた技のようだが、嘘ではないと思う。この長い文章を見たら分かるよね。
Apparently that quote came from a pick-up artist’s handbook, but I do think that there is some truth to it. Just look at how long this writing is.

自分の音楽鑑賞史はだいたい3つの期限に分けられる：ポップ、電子音楽、オルタナティヴアイドル。この3つの期限で今まで聴いた音楽のことを語る。
My music listening history can be divided roughly into 3 eras: Pop, Electronic Music, Alternative Idol, so this writing will be divided into the respective eras.

僕の無用に長い文章が読みたくない人に人生プレイリストを聴いたら僕のことが全部分かるようになる（執筆時点9時間ぐらい）。
For those who rightfully do not want to read through this bloated writing, you can get the same effect by listening to this (at the time of writing, roughly 9 hour long) playlist of my life.

洋楽ポップス Western Pop

人には家族の影響が大きい。それは当たり前の事。ほとんどのアーティストや音楽業界の人の履歴を見たら、この一つの共通点がすぐ気付く。両親が音楽家とか、楽器を弾くとか、家で音楽をたくさん聴くとかで、音楽に包まれていて育ったケースが多い。だから自分の家族の事から始める。
Family shapes a person. That is kind of a given. Look at the biographies of most musicians or those in the industry and you will quickly notice this commonality. Either their parents were musicians, play instruments, or listen to plenty of music at home, causing them to grow up embraced by music. So I too will start with my family.

うちは4人家族。父、母と兄。僕は末っ子。
I come from a family of 4, with my mom, dad and older brother. I’m the youngest.

両親は音楽にあまり詳しくなくて、自分の青春時代の王道曲以外、流行っているポップソングやミーム的な物しか聴いていなかった。そもそも家で音楽をあまり聴いていなかった。その影響で小さい頃の僕もそうだった。ハマっていたアーティストとかがあったが、それはただ触れていた音楽の中に「これが好き」と決定したと言った方が正しいかもしれない。
My parents were not particularly well versed in music, knowing only the popular songs of their youth and the trending pop and meme-y songs. They never listened to much music at home in the first place, so I was the same as a result. There were artists I was into at the time, but it would be more accurate to say that I simply decided “I like these artists” out of what I was exposed to.

両親より兄の影響の方が遥かに大きかった。二人兄弟の中に弟であることはアドの役割をすること、特に小さい頃に。兄がレッドだったら、僕はブルー。兄が太一だったら、僕はヤマト。だから最初から一番人気の物に離れて比較的にマイナーな物に向かってたかもしれない。
More so than my parents, however, was the influence of my older brother. To be the younger out of two brothers is to be the deuteragonist, especially when you were young. If my brother were Red, I would be Blue. If he’s Tai, I’m Matt. Perhaps that is why ever since I could remember, I have gravitated not towards the most popular choice, but the relatively unchosen one.

しかし兄が好きな物が好きではないということではない。部屋、テレビ、パソコン、ゲームボーイアドバンスSP、全部兄と共有だったから、当然に趣味もほぼ同じだった。ただその趣味の中にお気に入りの部分は若干違った。アルバムに例えば、リードシングルよりも2，3番目のシングルが好きのことかな。
But that did not mean that I did not like what my brother liked. After all, we did share the same room, television, computer and Game Boy Advance SP, so our interests naturally aligned. It was just that within those interests, our favorite things diverged slightly. If we were to liken it to an album, it would be like preferring the second or third single to the lead single.

僕が小学生になる頃、兄が当時2000年代のパンク、ロック、エモにハマってて、その影響で僕も好きになった。ガチの知っている人しか知らないバンドとかと語りたいが、実際はポップ要素が強いトップ40ラジオで聴ける人気バンドしか聴かなかった。当時音楽にあまり興味がなかったというか、自分の音楽の世界が狭かったので目の前にある物だけで満足した。だいたいの人もそう始めたが、なんか恥ずかしい。そう言っても、それは僕が初めて本当に好きと言える音楽だった。
As I entered elementary school, my brother started getting into 2000s punk, rock and emo, so I did as well. I want to say that we were into the real hardcore bands, but it was the mainstream Top 40 pop radio variety, so add a pop- prefix to the genres I listed earlier. At that time, I did not have as much interest in music, or rather, what I knew as music was so limited that I was satisfied by what was in front of me. I know that most people start off like this, but it is still somewhat embarrassing to admit. That being said, this was the first ever music that I can truly say that I liked.

ちょっと黒歴史みたいな物だが今でも歌える曲：
Kind of a cringe memory but I can still sing it in full even now:

電子音楽 Electronic Music

中学生の頃、世界と同時にダブステップという音楽を知った。斬新、衝撃。Skrillexから初め、インターネットで有名のレーベルのOWSLAやMonstercatのアーティストを知って、EDMの世界に飛び込んだ。ダブステップの他に、プログレッシブハウス、ドラムンベース、トラップとかも、電子音楽全般を良く聴いていた。
When I was in middle school, the world (and I) learnt of the existence of the genre known as dubstep. It was a revelation. Starting from Skrillex, I then discovered the artists from OWSLA and Monstercat, labels that were popping off at the time, and dived straight into the EDM world. Other than dubstep, I also listened to a good bit of progressive house, drum and bass, trap music, and just electronic music in general.

当時音楽ストリーミングサービスはまだ使っていないお金がない学生の僕が何の無料でダウンロード出来る音楽があったらそっちに向かってて、SoundCloudで色々なリミックスやオリジナル曲を見つけた。初めて音楽に対する欲求を感じて、凄くディグしていた。壁のないインターネットで異世界のように斬新なPC Musicとか、日本のトラックメーカーとかに出会った。
Back then I had yet to use any music streaming services, so as a broke student I would scour the internet for any music that provided a free download, which brought me to the many, many remixes and originals posted on SoundCloud. It was the first time that I ever felt a hunger for music and I really dug through the web for it. Through the borderless internet, I discovered the otherworldly sounds of PC Music and the track makers of Japan.

高校の時オーディオビジュアル部に入っていて、定期的に自分で選んだ音楽を校庭で流す機会があった。普通の人はプレイリストで3，4曲を流すが、僕は電子音楽にハマりすぎて、シームレスミックスを作ってた。曲と曲の流れやストーリー性も考えていた。しかもミックスに入った曲はほとんどSoundCloudで見つけた無料でダウンロードした曲。高校卒業まで20個近く作った。
During high school, I was in the AV (Audiovisual) Club and we had the chance to regularly play our own music through the school square’s audio system—we basically had aux cord duties. The normal members would simply play 3 to 4 songs from a playlist, but I was so into electronic music that I would make what were essentially mini DJ mixes with seamless transitions and attempts at a narrative flow. Furthermore, most of the music that I used were the songs I downloaded for free through SoundCloud. By the time I graduated I had made close to 20 of these mixes.

その音楽探しと遊びで主流の狭い道から離れて、世界が少しずつ広がった。
Through searching for and playing with music, I veered off the narrow path of the mainstream and my music world widened ever so slightly.

世の中に色んな中二病の形があるが、私のは悲劇のモブキャラだった：
I also went through my emo phase during that time:

オルタナティヴ・アイドル Alternative, Idol

オルタナティヴアイドルで人生が変わった。まだ残っている文の長さでたぶん分かる。
Alternative idols changed my life. You can probably tell from how much text is left in this post.

高校卒業後、2年間ぐらい軍人のコスプレをしていた。その2年間はほとんどあてもなく過ごしていて、凄く暇だった。ある日にだらだらしてYouTubeを見ていたら、「日本のヤバイアイドル」みたいなタイトルの動画を見つけた。もちろん英語の動画だった。当時日本語が全然分からなかった。しかし小さい頃から吹き替えや字幕で日本のアニメを沢山見ていたから、日本のポップカルチャーとアイドルのことをちょっと知っていた。
After graduating high school, I spent two years cosplaying as a soldier. Those two years were spent mostly aimlessly and I had an abundance of time, if nothing else. One fateful day, as I was lazing around on YouTube, I came across a video titled “Japan’s Insane Idols”, or something to that effect. Of course, the video was in English. At the time I could not speak a lick of Japanese. But having watched anime either subbed or dubbed since young, I was familiar with Japanese pop culture and had some rudimentary knowledge about idols.

その動画の中にいくつかのアイドルグループが紹介されたが、今これしか思い出せないぐらい一番興味をそそられたのはBiSだった。やはり樹海で裸体で戯れることが印象に残るんだね。そのあとBiSのMVを何個か観たが、曲はあまり好みじゃなかった。この「underground idol」という物に興味がなくなりそう時、動画の右にあるおすすめ欄にBiSHが出た。BiS？BiSH？あの時BiSとBiSHの違いが分からなかったが、その「BiSH」というグループの曲がめちゃ好きのは分かった。聴きやすいポップ要素がありつつ、エッジーなパンクサウンドと特徴的なリアルを丸出す歌声を加えて、絶妙な組み合わせで、テイストに合いすぎた。BiSHに出会った前に聴いた主流アイドルのボーカルはほぼ全部コーラスで、強めの調整がされて、メンバーの味が完全に聴こえなかったので、BiSHのメンバー達の個性が溢れている歌声は特に感動された。
The video introduced a few idol groups, but the one that stood out the most, to the point that they are the only one I can even remember now, was BiS. Well, frolicking around the Aokigahara Forest in the nude was bound to leave an impression. After that I checked out a few of BiS’s music videos, but could not really get into the music. Just as I was about to lose interest in this “underground idol” thing, in the recommended videos section just to the right of BiS’s video, BiSH appeared. BiSH? BiS? I did not know what the difference was, but I knew that I liked what I heard from this “BiSH” group. It had pop elements that made it easy to get into, yet an edgy punk-y sound that was perfectly complemented by the members’ unique and raw voices. It matched my tastes perfectly. Before encountering BiSH, the mainstream J-Pop idols that I had heard all sang in chorus with heavy-handed processing applied to the vocals, erasing any semblance of individuality, so BiSH’s vocals, overflowing with each member’s peculiarities, really moved me.

以前アイドルに興味があまりなかった僕が「これが「アイドル」だったら、「アイドル」が好きだ。」と思わせた。これで日本のオルタナティヴアイドルの世界に踏み入れた。
While before I did not have much interest in idols, it made me think: “If this is “idol”, then I’m an “idol” fan.” And that was how I took my first step into the world of alternative idols.

「オーケストラ」で惚れてしまった：
Orchestra got me:

セカンド・アウェイクニング Second Awakening

あの時代にオルタナティヴアイドルに関する英語の情報が本当に少なくて、とあるブログ以外であまり見つけなかった。ちなみにその頃日本語を学び始めた。凄く暇なこともあったが、日本語のみのコンテンツが分かりたかったんだ。そのHomicidolsというオルタナティヴアイドルを紹介するブログで沢山のグループに出会った。元々好きなヘビーな音楽やダンスミュージックをやっているグループもあまり聴いたことないマスロックとかをやっているグループもあった。その沢山のグループの中でとある顔も名前もないアイドルがいた。
Back in those days, there was scarcely any information about alternative idols in English, apart from a certain blog, that you could find online. By the way, this was when I started learning Japanese. Part of it was that I was super bored, but I also wanted to be able to understand all these contents that were only in Japanese. Through Homicidols, the blog which introduced alternative idols, I discovered a cornucopia of groups. From the heavy music and electronic music that I have liked since before to math rock, which I barely knew anything about, there were groups doing all types of music. It was in this mass of groups that I encountered a certain collection of nameless, faceless idols.

・・・・・・・・・（ドッツトーキョー）は最初に奇妙さに引き込まれた。可愛さを重視するアイドルという者のはずだが、顔が見えない。個人性で頭角を現すアイドルという者のはずだが、名前を知らない。しかしその代わりにハートビートとか、居た場所とか、睡眠パターンとか、色々な密接なデータを使って、真逆な距離感が同時に感じさせる。それは今でも天才だと思う。
I was first drawn to ・・・・・・・・・ (dotstokyo) by their bizarreness. Idols were supposed to place a lot of value on their cuteness, yet these idols had their faces obscured. Idols were supposed to use their personalities to stand out, yet these idols had no names. But in place of this, you could track their heartbeats, know where they have been, and buy their sleep patterns, among other intimate data points, forming this paradoxical relationship that is simultaneously alienatingly distant yet almost uncomfortably close. I still think to this day that that was genius.

そして、・・・・・・・・・の音楽を聴いた。斬新、衝撃。惚れた。シューゲイザーというジャンルが前に名前を知ってたが、ちゃんと聴くのは初めてだった。しかしただシューゲイザーだから好きだったのではなく、アイドルとシューゲイザー、その他のエクスペリメンタルな要素の組み合わせだからあんなに衝撃を受けたのだ。
Then, I listened to ・・・・・・・・・’s music. It was a revelation. I was in love. I have heard of shoegaze by name before, but it was the first time that I gave it a proper listen. But I did not fall this hard in love just because it was shoegaze. I was so entranced by its perfect blend of idol pop, shoegaze, and other experimental elements. There was nothing like it.

「サイダー」にあるチャイムの音がバスのチャイムと似ていてバスで聴いたら毎回出るとちょっとビクッとしてた：
The chime sound that shows up in their song “Cider” sounds so much like the bus chime sound where I am that I get little startled very time I listened to it on the bus:

・・・・・・・・・の一部の曲が日本の人気インディーシューゲイザーバンド For Tracy Hyde の人達が作曲されたという情報を知って、そのバンドを検索して、ジャパニーズシューゲイズも聴き始めた。アイドルとバンドのコラボの可能性を知ったから、他のアイドルグループの曲のクレジットも見始めて、沢山の日本のオルタナティヴバンドやアーティストに出会った。
Having learnt that some of ・・・・・・・・・’s songs were written by members of the popular Japanese indie shoegaze band For Tracy Hyde, I searched them up, and that became my entry point into Japanese shoegaze. Now knowing of the existence of idol and band collaborations, I started to check out the credits of songs from other groups as well and through that discovered many other alternative bands and artists.

僕は元々小心者、そしてネット育ちなので、何のサブカルチャーでも深入りしないように、良い距離から見守る人間だった。そもそもアイドル文化が好きな理由の1つは自分の日常からかなりの距離があるところだった。だから2年間のコスプレ会が終わった後、直ぐ日本に旅行に行った。
I have always been quite reserved and being raised on the internet, never delved too deeply into any subculture, instead preferring to be a detached observer. That was actually one of the reasons why I was that into idol culture in the first place—it was far removed from my everyday life. And so naturally after my two-year long cosplay convention, I flew straight to Japan for vacation.

初めての日本旅行だから、普通の観光がメインで、東京に居た短い時間にちょうど知っているアイドルグループが沢山出演するライブがあったので軽い気持ちで観に行ってみたぐらいだけだった。しかし、目当てはちゃんとあった。あの日に初めてライブを見て、初めてCDを買った。あと初めてチェキを撮った。メンバーのことが正直全く分からなくて（顔も名前も知らなかったし）、気まずい状況にならないように適当に一番喋りやすそうな子に決めた。下手くそな日本語で終始ほとんど「はい」しか出て来ない状態に終わったが、楽しかった記憶がある。
It was my first time in Japan, so I mainly did the usual touristy stuff, but during the short time I was in Tokyo, there happened to be a live show that many of the idol groups I knew at the time were performing at, so I checked it out without thinking too much of it. But there was a particular group that I was there for. That day, I experienced my first ever concert, and there I bought my first ever CD. After that, I took my first ever cheki. To be honest, I barely knew anything about the members (their faces and names were unknown, after all), so to avoid an overly awkward situation I just randomly picked the member that seemed the easiest to talk to. With my terrible Japanese, I ended up only uttering “hai” through most of it. But I remember it being fun.

その旅行は自分に対してオルタナティヴアイドルを発見する旅の終点のつもりだったが、アイドルライブの魅力を知ったから、もう遠距離鑑賞に戻れない。
The trip was supposed to be a cap on my year or so of discovering alternative idols, but after experiencing the joys of a live idol concert, there was no going back to detached observation.

しかし僕はまだ中途半端な気持ちで応援してたせいで、5年の空白期間が始まった。大学に通って、色々やってたが、ライブはほぼ観に行かなかった。日本にも一回でも行かなかった。
However, due to my half-assed nature, the next five years became a lost half-decade. I went to university and did a bunch of stuff, but almost never went to any concert. And I never traveled to Japan at all.

その間に、・・・・・・・・・が終った。「もっと観に行ったら良かった」という思いもあったが、「一回でも観て良かった」の思いのほうが強かった。・・・・・・・・・という存在はあの時だけに起これる奇跡、数年間の儚い夢だった。その夢に覚めたのは何年か前だったが、今でも「『 』」を聴くと僕は2018年に戻る。
During that time, ・・・・・・・・・ came to an end. While I did feel some regret that I did not go to see them more while I still could, I felt even more grateful that I did see them at all, even if only once. The existence known as ・・・・・・・・・(dotstokyo, among other nicknames) was a miracle that could have only occurred when it did, a fleeting dream of a few years. Yet despite it having been years since awaking from the dream, whenever I listen to their album 『』(“Blank”), I am transported back to 2018.

サード・エヴォリューション Third Evolution

そして、RAYが誕生。
Then, RAY was birthed into this world.

・・・・・・・・・の一部の曲をしていたから、存在をまだ感じていたことに感謝だった。RAY自体の曲は個人的に成熟したサウンドがあって、・・・・・・・・・は研究だったら、RAYは結果みたいな物だと思っている。RAYはまだ進化しているけど。
RAY performed some of ・・・・・・・・・’s discography, making it feel like they were not completely gone, which I was grateful for. As for RAY’s own discography, to me they have a more mature sound. If ・・・・・・・・・ was the experiment, RAY would be the results. That being said, RAY is still evolving to this day.

最初から見守っていたが、約5000キロメートルの距離から見ていたから、全然何も見えなかった。世界の事情もあったが、もっと早く踏み出さなかったのは自分のせい。しかしその事情のお陰で、配信が非常に増えて、逆に少しずつでもRAYに近づいた。いつの間にか、彼女たち、あのチームの成長を見たら、直接に観る、応援したくなった。
Despite having followed them since the start, it was from the distance of over five thousand kilometers, which was barely following at all. Part of it was due to global circumstances, but not taking the leap earlier was my own doing. Ironically, due to the global circumstances then, the number of livestreams increased drastically and actually brought me closer to RAY. Watching the growth of not just the members but also the staff team stirred a desire within me to see and support them directly.

2023年9月、やっと飛んで行った。きっかけは何だろう。社会人になってお金があったからか、RAYへの愛が溢れてきたからか。理由はどうでもいい。あのライブ、一生忘れない…と言いたいが、僕の記憶力が本当にダメなので、ライブ自体が少ししか覚えていない。しかしあのライブを観ている気持ちは心に強く刻まれた。光。本当に光だった。あと、5年ぶりのチェキ。今回は4年間以上見守ってて、その前でも顔も名前も知らなかった状態で知ってた推しだった。
In September 2023, I finally took the leap. I don’t really know what the impetus was—it could be that I was gainfully employed and had disposable income, or that my love for RAY could no longer be contained. Not that it mattered. I will never forget the show I saw that day for the rest of my life… is what I would like to say, but my absolutely trash memory means that I only remember flashes of the show itself. But what I felt watching their performance was etched into my soul forever. Radiance. They were light itself. Then, my first cheki in five years. This time it was with my oshi who I had followed for four years, and even before when I did not know her face or name.

本当に存在してる。
Oh, she really exists.
僕の前にいる。
She’s right there.
眩しい。
So bright.

もちろん、ほぼ「はい」しか言えないままで終わった。3年間の大学の日本語クラス、推しの可愛さに一瞬でぶっ飛ばされた。勝てるわけないだろう。
Of course, it ended with me just blurting out “hai” the whole time. My three years of Japanese classes during university was obliterated in the face of my oshi’s cuteness. It never stood a chance.

あとカラオケで半泣きで歌った：
Held back tears singing this in the karaoke:

その人生を変えるライブを観に行ったから、RAYとアイドルのライブだけではなく、ライブ全般に中毒されたが、日本に行くのは1年2回ぐらいが限界で、その間の苦しみを和らげるために自分の国で行われるコンサートも観始めた。推しの内山結愛ちゃんがとんでもないペースで音楽を聴いてレビューを書いていたから、結愛ちゃんのお陰で知って、聴き始めた日本のバンドが何個も自分の国でライブを観た。この縁が長い時間、遠い距離、数人の関係を繋がって、園に成った。よく考えたら、凄い。
After that transcendental experience, I was not only hooked on RAY or idol shows, but live shows in general. Sadly, I could only fly to Japan about twice a year at most, so in order to alleviate my suffering even a little bit in the time in between, I started to look at shows in my own country. My oshi, Uchiyama Yua, listens to and posts music reviews at an honestly frightening pace, and through her reviews I came to know some of my favorite bands. Some of these bands happened to stop by my country on tour so I managed to catch these bands—these Japanese bands that I learnt about from my oshi—perform live in my own country. It really felt like this thread spanning many years, thousands of miles and degrees of separation coming back into a circle. It really is quite incredible, thinking about it.

これで、現在に着いたので、人生の振り返りが終わり。この普通の人から中途半端な変人になるまでの記録が面白かったか？
And with that we have reached the current day, bringing us to the end of this retrospective. Hope you have enjoyed this normie to half-assed weirdo pipeline.

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こういう中途半端な変人の意見が許されたら、音楽の紹介とか音楽と関係ない事をするつもりなので、出来たら読んだら嬉しいです。
If you can forgive the opinions of this half-assed weirdo, I plan to do music introductions and other non-music related posts as well, so feel free to read them whenever the hell they are done.