My everyday motivation

Hi there, it is day 14 of blogging. 

So today's topic is about My everyday motivation.

Motivation. hm. What kind of motivation do I have?

 I had to pause and think for a bit. Usually, for me, motivation was something linked to positive nuance, but in reality what keeps me moving is fear, a negative emotion. 

I fear of being left alone, fear of not knowing, fear of not being enough, fear of being devalued. this negative emotion is my current motivation to work, to wake up, and to keep learning. 

It's pretty depressing to actually realize that my everyday motivation comes from negative emotion. It makes me rethink how I view my life. 

I wish I could just say that I have a passion or motivation for something I believe in. Some movement, some thoughts, some dream but I do not have any. 

But I cannot stop. I am the only one who can improve myself and on the way, I hope I find myself. I hope I get to know myself.  Fear is dominating me now but someday I am sure I will gain self-confidence and find my true motivation of life. Until then I want to keep on trying and finding myself. 

As success doesn't just find you. I have to go out and get it myself. 

Pretty emotional today. I realized I always try to please others and today I got tired. I got irritated with myself. 

Why am I such a pleaser for others? Why don't I have a core to myself? Why can't I just put myself first? Why do I allow people to mistreat me?

Anyways, I just want to practice being honest with my feeling, not fear expressing my emotions. Be me, cuz being me is not bad, you know.?

let me talk about this again next time. I guess I always felt that it was a bad thing to express myself or my feelings because I was not worth it. 

This topic will be long so the next blog topic it is. 

Anyways, good night world. If you are feeling a bit down, I just want to tell you that You are worth it, You are amazing, and God will always love you no matter what.