The invisible pandemic

Written 2021.11.04. Sorry for the harsh tone. Take it as tough love. Thanks for reading!

I am sick of people. Let me explain. All my life people have always assumed they knew me to a good extent. Always assumed how I was. Just recently one man, who barely knows me said: "Per adversus ad astra", which I immediately agreed with and nodded, having gained a bit more respect for this otherwise loud, close-minded man. But what annoyed me was him explaining that I had to get out there in the world and face life, which was filled with adversity. I had namely been shaded and protected by my father, but I had to get out in order to toughen up. From his point of view, I can understand why he said such things. But dear sir, you have no idea what I have faced. You have not the slightest clue what storms and soul-scouring adversities I have overcome. Finally, my sea is quiet. Let me enjoy the peace in my heart, while I go out there and sail on the wavy, tempestuous seas. You have no idea.

His words were wise, but I already know them. Since I read the New Testament and Thinking and Believing, I knew that which does not kill one, makes one stronger. It is just the story of my life, that people from all walks of life like to tell me how to live and think, but they never inquire about me. Perhaps I was different that they imagine. It is an exhausting trend. I try not to assume or judge. I really try to give other people the possibility to speak their minds freely, without presuppositions from me. In that way, I am often astounded and I learn something; be it about a certain subject, about them or myself.

Why do you, your friend, mother, father and grandmother need therapy? It is a fact that more attention has been put on mental health this last decade, which is great and needed, but mental ailments, disorders or missings is a symptom of a sick society. The emphasis, it seems, has been put on: "Let's make therapy more widespread and affordable (exept it is still expensive)", and "let's remove the stigma about mental disorders. Mental illnesses to be socially acceptable!". This is a positive change, however, I find that this approach focuses on treating the symptom rather than putting a looking glass on the cause of the problem. And it is a problem. An invisible global pandemic. Loneliness, despair, hopelessness, meaninglessness. Those who go to get treatment often don't get better. Those who do not seek professional help suffer in silence.

*A group of individuals with each their responsibility, is what I mean by 'society'. I do not agree with the dismissal of responsibility that collectivism brings about.

And all who otherwise see themselves and mentally sound, when they experience any of the above mentioned feelings, they rarely talk to anybody about it. Why? "I don't want to put my baggage on someone else, because they already have theirs. I don't want to burden someone. I should be able to sort myself out, because I need to present myself as strong and independant." Those are statements I have heard from different people, and a few people have said all of these things in one instance. I have said these things with conviction myself. But I have since realised that if all thought like that, life would be unbearable and everyone would probably kill themselves sooner or later.

My hypothesis for why a large group of people need help from a psychologist or mental health professional is, people do not expect other's to help them.

The solution?

You, me and all have got to listen to each other. Really listen. Do not think about yourself, your next line or how to react. Be all ears and present in the moment. Listen to them as if they were you. For you know what it feels like, when you think no one understands you, gives you the time to explain yourself.

Bad friendships are corroding. A bad friend breaks you down. Steals your time, compassion, empathy and grinds you down, perhaps until you are too weak to leave. In the worst case you end up staying their friend for long, because they have trained you to think the treatment you get, is what you deserve. This is soul-corroding. But it is possible to get out of it.

Superficial friendships are just that. They can hardly be classified as friendships. Comraderie, kinship or aqcuaintanceship is a more accurate term. Superficial relationships are neither good nor bad, although they can be one or the other, but the fact that they are superficial - do not go past small-talking and general chatting about 'safe' subjects - make them pretty neutral; they have a limited effect on a person's psyche, compared to a good or bad friendship, whose effect can range from being big to gigantic on a person's psyche.

Good friendships are therapeutic. Real friendships are supposed to have a therapeutic effect. Two people hang out, banter, do activities or whatever is the glue in their friendship, and when one is down bad and going through something, the other chooses to be there for them. Be there means listen. Not parraded them with advice their probably don't even follow themselves, or cut them off and start sharing their own half-similar experience. I know that the person going through something tough probably despises themselves for being vulnerable and maybe sharing their thoughts with anyone, even a friend; but gently set the space for them to open up and let them talk. It's like dipping a foot in cold water, it takes time to get used to the temperature. If the other one pushes them, they will run off and not want to go near the water again. Too many times is this what happened to me. And in turn I took note of this bad habit people had and decided not to copy that method. I'm a great listener and conversationalist. Back in the day, I would never give myself such a cocky compliment, but having heard this around 20-30 times if not more, I decided to confirm this as a fact. It's not hard to be a good friend. You just have to be mindful, have empathy and put yourself in other people's shoes. It's a conscious task. The mind is supposed to be used to think. Thinking is hard, but you're human. You must.