英語小説（Vanity of Vanity 1/10)

In the late 1990s, I was such a student who often missed school. I was struggling to continue living in that era without finding hope in the future and to leave a mark in this era. The words felt very light. There was still a glimmer of hope that Japan could walk in the future powerfully, but I couldn't find any hope for it. I was wanting to leave my memories on earth while I was alive. But when I went to school, I felt inferior, so I wanted to quit. What was I longing for? What was I looking for while wandering in the jungle of the world? I left this house feeling uncomfortable.

I was blamed for not going to school again and again, but I didn't because I didn't even know what to learn.  I'm sure there was nothing to learn. There is nothing to learn in this world. That is the truth.

'Is someone preparing a special stage for me?' I had thought about that. It was no longer after the war. There was a certain hope in such a chaotic era, that era. Many jumped in the opportunities with cheerfulness, but those who were returning became losers and could not find a meaning to live in life, and many of them committed suicide.

'I want to rely on someone to live. No, I want to live without relying on anyone.' Such thoughts were mixed. 'Is learning really life? I can't produce anything. On the contrary, we must value the fact that we cannot produce anything.'

At that time, I was nothing. But I won't find anything at the bottom of my heart.