Life lessons from 2024-2025 Winter
Partner finding lessons
Find a partner you can respect as an individual.
Romantic feelings may fade over time, but respect endures.
If you are considering ending a relationship, the best time to act is "right now".
Sexual lessons
Having sex with someone you love can bring you happiness.
I didn't realize this before because I had never experienced sex with someone I love.
I find myself willing to serve and care for the person when love is involved.
Having sex with someone you love may also trigger negative emotions like anxiety.
Maintaining a platonic relationship with someone I love feels easier and more stable.
I have noticed that having sex with someone makes me fixate on the potential end of the relationship, since sexual relationships tend to be more fragile and unstable than platonic ones.
For example, the relationship may shift dramatically when one person starts a new romantic relationship.
And the sexual connection might end, leaving disappointment or even pain.
Romantic lessons
It feels tough when someone you love does not love you back as much.
I've noticed I have never loved someone as deeply as those who have loved me.
To avoid heartbreak, it's better not to expect much from others. However, maintaining trust and optimism is crucial.
My avoidant tendencies make me set low expectations for everything, to protect my mental state.
Yet, this approach can also make things even less likely to happen.
In the end, the most important thing is to be optimistic and say positive things.
A quote that resonates with me from The Cat in The Summer Book:
“It’s funny about love,” Sophia said. “The more you love someone, the less he likes you back.”
“That’s very true,” Grandmother observed. “And so what do you do?”
“You go on loving,” said Sophia threateningly. “You love harder and harder.”
Things I'm still figuring out
How do you maintain a non-romantic relationship with someone you have had sex with, and how do you keep loving someone you love who does not love you back as much.
I love this person as an individual and feel sexually (or romantically) attracted to him. However, this feeling may not be mutual, i.e. the person may not feel romantically attracted to me.
Also, the person is not thinking about starting a romantic relationship with me, due to our recent circumstances such as his recent breakup and geographical distance.
Thus, starting a romantic relationship with him is less likely to happen.
My rational part says "I shouldn't get involved with this person anymore. This relationship will not go anywhere and eventually hurt me. Stay away."
However, my emotional part is dying to stay connected with him because I feel attracted to this person, and have started to hope for a romantic connection.
Thus, I am unsure if I can navigate a non-romantic relationship without feeling hurt.
My emotional part sometimes suddenly falls out of love with this person, and be able to recognize how awful he is, leading to hostile feelings toward him.
However, I do respect him as a person, and a part of me rejects the idea of ending all the connection with him, even when I feel hatred and disgust toward him.
Having said that, as I reflect, I started to feel more confident that I can maintain a meaningful connection with this person.
Even when one of us finds a new partner, I believe our bond could remain strong.
It may even evolve into a special, platonic connection on a deeper level because we have already established such a strong bond.
While I might need to overcome some emotional jet costers, this is an amazing opportunity for me to learn to love someone who does not love me back, i.e. unconditional love.
Furthermore, thanks to this person, I now feel I have gained the confidence to love someone as a partner.
It also means I am capable of philanthropic love, love for all human beings.