Main character.

Hello, this is clarky luna.

Remember last time when I said I might not be the main character I think others are being? That is because I have a special level of hate for those kind of people.

I agree with the idea that we are the main character of our own lives, and by our actions we determine our fate. The context I'd like to expound on in this piece is more of in the context of a social setting.

There is this specific kind of person who, in a social setting, makes all things be about himself. Usually the obnoxious type, they will make conversation about them without care or sensitivity in their surroundings and will be offended when called out at any degree. In a work setting, they would be the type of people who imposes their ways as the only valid one and any level of criticism will be automatically regarded as insubordination. This is a bit similar yet different from those people who naturally gives off positive energy and lightens up the mood in a social setting because they encourage cooperation and camaraderie, unlike the type that I'm referring to. This type of person might be common in fictional stories, but believe me when I say that there are actual people who behave this way. Their ways are best described by negative effects of "main character syndrome", such as attention-seeking behaviors, an inflated sense of self, and other traits similar to narcissistic personality disorder, albeit not to the same degree. 

As someone who minds my own business and lets other people mind their own business, I do tolerate their lot. But some days I simply cannot. "Hate" might be too strong of a word to refer to my feelings for those kind of people, but when I reflect on it, my feelings are just on that level of dislike already.

I feel a sense of unfairness to those "main characters". They are annoying, they are obnoxious, they inconvenience others, they are textbook bad people, but why is it that when they interfere with my life, it's always the case that I am the one who has to give way, I am the one who has to be the "bigger person"? Why is it that I'm always supposed to compromise my joys to cater to those people? Why am I only allowed to say nice things about them? Can't I be angry at them for once? 

Maybe their narcissistic tendencies are brought about by their own circumstances. Maybe they live in a problematic household where they suffer lack of positive attention, so they tend to seek that attention outside their homes, and their ways tend to be exaggerated due to the trauma they experience. Maybe they adapt qualities they see from other similar people that they know.  There are a lot of other factors which I can only guess, but when I cast my hate aside, I see that their narcissistic tendencies are just one part of their personality and might not be representative of them as a whole. It kinda helps my sense of empathy for them a bit.

Remember when I said last time that in my band, the vocalist and guitarist usually gets the over-the-top compliments while I don't? Actually, I'm fine with that because my bandmates aren't "main characters". We treat each other with respect and equality and we help each other shine as a band member, unlike "main characters" who tend to build unnecessary competition. Right now I'm extremely grateful with my bandmates, who have made me felt the feeling of brotherhood after a long time of dealing with pesky "main characters".

Nowadays I just don't deal with these narcissists. If they don't bother me, I'll let them be. If they do, I will humiliate them in a heartbeat.

I apologize for the scary tone of this entry. I've harbored these feelings for a long time and I wanted to get it out of my system. I'll try to share a lighter story on the next one.

Let's meet another time.