Chapter 1: "The Ugly Duckling's Relocation Enthusiast"
Certainly, here is the translation of your text:
"First of all...
It might be quite long...
Fifty long years have passed...
With the anxiety of embracing my inherent uniqueness,
I sought counseling in every way possible.
From homeopathy to aromatherapy, Reiki healing, and various diviners, I conquered them all.
Prayer leaders, holistic practitioners, I may have seen them all.
Comparing my thoughts and behavioral patterns,
Mysterious and different from the world's norms,
Every time I felt uneasy,
I gathered information in haste,
Underwent examinations at numerous hospitals,
And it ended at the psychiatric clinic...
(Am I weird?) 🤔
Even when I tried information from books,
By the time I reached the table of contents, my brain had given up,
And I began cosmic swimming...
Just as I thought I had progressed a few lines,
My mind was on a trip to the supermarket...
Multiple times (restarting the basics switch),
Trying to read, but dedicating a significant amount of time to cosmic swimming...
My brain resisted understanding the conventional wisdom in books,
Am I an eccentric?
And to top it off, I'm super analog.
No themes, no genres!
Though I thought about genres a lot, they're incomprehensible 😵💫.
But, if I were to say... 🤔
Could it be categorized under "love"?
No subjects, no predicates, no commas, no periods!
Everything I want to portray is on Earth...
Everything I've felt...
Absolutely everything...
If I were to express it in Miyazaki dialect, it would be like
Nothing... absolutely nothing...
That's just the way it is.
I think text transforms differently based on the reader...
Wanting to convey my emotions as detailed as possible,
I decided to use e-book exclusive expression stamps 😌.
I'm not joking, but rather, very serious (▭-▭)✨.
Ever since I was young,
I feel like I've wanted to convey so many things...
But when it comes to arranging them using predefined phrases,
Even if my intuition ignites and I get an idea,
Faced with the framework of common sense towering before me,
I freeze every time 😩.
Automatic erasure takes place.
My imaginative time disperses like Urashima Taro's world in smoke.
As a result...
Before I knew it, half a century had passed at Mach speed 🤪.
Like Urashima Taro, aging rapidly at an astonishing speed...
But also like Alice in Wonderland, remaining a little girl,
Some parts of me are frozen in time 🤣.
Always floating in a mysterious world,
I've decided to start depicting my sensations from this very moment!
From now, from here,
I will embark on this journey.
Therefore...
The story might change again tomorrow from the answers found today.
As I wish...
A super nonfiction story ❣️.
In my childhood...
With complex emotions that tighten my chest,
I repeatedly read the picture book "The Ugly Duckling."
Each time, my young heart was slightly hurt,
In an era of limited play equipment,
In a world of just a few tattered picture books,
I saw myself reflected over and over again.
Honestly... 🤣
By repeating, my brain was fully copied 😅,
And I was convinced it was my life,
I was brainwashed 😌.
As my body grew, so did the wounds,
And this is how I ended up trapped in the labyrinth of the picture book world.
Struggling and wandering for decades 🤣,
I add fuel to my own self-deprecation,
Distorting my vision of myself, without realizing,
Avoiding photographs and never looking in the mirror...
I spent 50 years overlaying my inner journey,
Until suddenly, I looked at a candid photo 😳?
Who is this...?
I couldn't recognize it at all 😌.
"Is this... me...?"
Tears welled up,
I had believed I was the "ugly duckling,"
But there was nothing ugly...
At that moment, gazing at the vast blue sky...
"I've arrived in a world where no problems arise,
A peaceful and secure world..."
I was in such a state 😌.
I finally managed to accept myself,
Filled with the desire to write my own unique story, just one in a lifetime!
So, filled with that feeling,
I took the plunge to realize a dream that had been 50 years in the making.
Through the tumultuous journey of life,
With each passing moment, offering me strength,
Introducing wonderful movies and music,
I tried to express myself in my own way ☺️.
At the end of each chapter, I traced my mother's favorite "Man'yoshu,"
And called it the modern version, the "Full Sun Collection" 🤣,
Filling a 5-7-5 syllable structure with profound feelings,
I hope my story will find a place in someone's heart,
Looking back on the learning experiences on this Earth with kindness.
Though the term "spiritual" is flying around...
Even if I can't see the figure...
Always by my side,
A person who helps me fulfill my wishes,
Another me...
Learning from life's lessons,
Realizing that in a world of billions,
Becoming authentically and uniquely myself,
When I gradually start to hold my head up,
I realize my greatest ally is emerging from there 😌.
On the morning I began writing the story, gently...
In the moment of waking up, the music that whispered in my ear was this song 🎧.
Suddenly, the familiar music that started playing in my mind,
I jumped up, my analog self 😅,
I hummed along to the melody that carried me away...
And I asked my newfound family member, my brother,
To search for and listen to the lyrics...
I was amazed when I heard it 😳.
It was a song that was describing my current state...
Which I had thought was only a love that would cause pain,
But then I realized...
It's like a flower, gentle and strong,
In a small seed lies something magnificent,
And when I realized that, love stopped causing sorrow.
Quietly...
Capturing my back in a photograph,
He was another (ugly duckling boy),
A complete stranger...
Yet he became a new family member,
Having lived through numerous struggles,
For ten years, lost in time,
I didn't realize...
Every event was leading to a significant destiny 😌.
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1: "The Ugly Duckling's Moving Mania"
(To Dad from the Full Sun Collection)
Chapter 2: "Encounter" Another Duckling
(To Me from the Full Sun Collection)
Chapter 3: "Departure" Two Swans
(To Mom from the Full Sun Collection)
First Chapter: "The Ugly Duckling's Moving Mania"
I've moved countless times... 😅 And not because of my job, but rather... 🤪 I've just escaped every time something went wrong... 😩
There's a common saying I often hear: "Consistency is key." It emphasizes the importance of perseverance. It's funny how I could use that phrase here... 😅
"Huh? ... Doesn't that have a different meaning?"
Well, no... this isn't a joke. I truly believe it now. In society, whether it's clubs, hobbies, or jobs, it's said that sticking with something is crucial.
"The importance of consistency." Every time I hear those words, I'd negate my repeated cycle of moving due to mishaps, and I'd even feel embarrassed, wanting to hide it.
Whenever things happen, I think this:
"I'm not doing it because I like it. There are things I want to continue but can't."
You could call the more than 27 times I've moved a sign of my inexperience. ☺️ "It's just that I kept blaming others and running away." 🤣
Moving means spending money, and I spent a significant amount on it.
⚠️ (Of course, I paid for the moves with my own earnings. I moved repeatedly, and as a bonus... 🤣 I diligently cleaned, repeating the process like a bird that doesn't leave traces, and by the end, the place was more beautiful, a perfect result. I could proudly say that much at least. ☝️)
When I feel sad, I move right away, so naturally, I don't get my security deposit back. Sometimes, I even have to pay a penalty fee. It's as if I've spent the cost of going to college on moving and studying how to move.
In my early years, when I was small and skinny (I even had a nickname: "Bones, Skin, Muscles, Rightguard"), all ball games were terrifying for me. Dodgeball was the scariest. So, I just kept running away. 🤣
Back and forth, back and forth... 😖
Running away constantly, I'm the only one left. In the end, the game becomes inconclusive, just for me.
"Hit me already!" and jeers would fly. 🤣 Even that became a factor that made me feel down. 😅
Memories from dodgeball... (run away) = (no pain), (don't run away) = (get hurt). Maybe this mindset began to form back then. 😮💨
(When I run away) The good thing about it is...
I moved by myself, and I'm quite skilled at moving, even handling things like removing a mailbox without it being funny. On top of that, I've become knowledgeable about new or used properties, real estate information, property taxes, and even the steps for bank loans and selling houses.
In a way, you could say I've become well-versed in the trend of real estate investment nowadays. 🤗
It's a different meaning, isn't it? 😉 Yes, indeed. 🤣
Snow on moving day... 😱
Running away, running away, running away, constantly running away...
At such a time, a significant turning point came into my life. 😌
I, who had never seen a snowy landscape due to growing up in a tropical region, arrived in a world covered in white for the first time.
"Mukyu~ Mukyu~" The sound of snow creaking made me involuntarily start singing the theme song from "Kita no Kuni Kara" (From the North Country).
"Aaa~ aa~ aaaaaa, aaah~ 🎶
Uu~ uu~ uuuuuu, uuuh~ 🎶
Raa~ raa~ raaaaa, raa~ raa~ raa~
Raaa~ raa~ raaaa~ raa~ raa~
Raa~ raa~ raaaa~ raa~ raa~ 🎶"
I felt like I could see myself, walking joyfully through the deep, pure white snow in rubber boots.
However, deep within, I was feeling... very sad... the day I left my hometown...
In the rearview mirror, I saw the sorrowful figures of my parents silently waving goodbye.
It felt like I was leaving something behind in my hometown, like an abandoned child, a heavy, indescribable weight. I couldn't erase that feeling. 😔
This takes me back to my childhood...
My mother's habitual phrase was, "Honestly...! You're like a time bomb, aren't you? Really, you're like an old man (scary)."
I pretended not to hear her sighs mixed with words and carried on, acting like I didn't hear, but every time, it hurt my heart.
Now, looking back... I feel like my mother was actually smiling as she said those things. 😌
Perhaps it was just that her voice was loud... 🤣 Maybe her jokes were too strong for me to handle? That might be it.
My misinterpretations and imaginings eventually led me into adolescence. With the influx of hormones during puberty, my (fantasies) grew larger, eventually escalating into a torrent of female-specific thoughts, constantly running wild. 😅
I kept avoiding conversations with my parents, and as a result, I couldn't find a way to resolve things. Time flowed on, and I didn't realize how much time had passed without any resolution. 😌
Now, over 50 years later, I've finally reached an answer. 😅 (Better late than never...)
Looking back and reflecting, I realize that no matter what decisions I made, my parents didn't oppose them or interfere much. They quietly watched over me, though I mistakenly believed they left me to my own devices. I carried on, thinking that they abandoned me, all the while remaining unaware... 🥹
And then, there was something prepared for me...
Surprisingly, my parents had prepared something... I was amazed. My father, with great care, had nurtured and grown a significant stand of cedar trees on our property. He single-handedly transported 80 trees to a sawmill... 🥹
Who would understand how extraordinary this event was? He was over 70 years old, wielding a chainsaw, climbing the mountain, felling large trees, trimming branches, binding them with ropes, and maneuvering through the thick underbrush. He brought down one tree at a time, 80 times... 🥺
How much strength and patience it must have taken... I found myself wondering. A chainsaw's vibrations were the culprit, it seemed. My home, the very one I was living in, had caused this... 😔 I spent a restless night with a tight feeling in my chest.
My father, frozen in place, his body stiff from the effort, stood there worriedly. It was then that I remembered...
Beside the Buddhist altar, there was an old shogi board with delicate legs, and on it rested shogi pieces. These pieces, however, had already disappeared. It was my doing...
I don't recall the reason, but during a period when I stopped talking to my parents, I began stealing shogi pieces (pawns) and hiding them in a drawer, clutched in my hand.
On my father's occasional days off from his busy work schedule, we would create a domino setup on a shogi board. He would say, "Amu... how do you read this small character? Well, (fu) is read as 'fu.' While the bigger pieces have more options for movement, this (pawn) can only move forward. It can also become a sacrificial piece... Skilled chess players value even the discarded (pawn). Creating a domino setup is similar... it's all about appearances. It's hard to see the subtle differences in the pieces. They won't fall until the end... Chess isn't about battling... it's a test of wisdom. You have to deeply read your opponent and make a move. Rushing won't lead to victory." Memories come flooding back...
At a café by my mother's beloved river,
I baked bread every day.
freshly baked bread lined up...
I delivered piping hot bread in oven mitts, wanting to see their smiles...
I loved them deeply... even though I acted reserved, the truth is... I loved them this much.
Being able to simply call out, "Dad... Mom..." was more precious due to the distance, sadness, and loneliness. The scent of freshly baked bread was secondary to the happiness I felt.
Why did he let go of such a cherished café and move to Kumamoto?
【Current Realizations】
I thought I was running away, but as I walk alone, live on, return home, and observe... I finally notice the growth within me.
I wasn't running away... the daughter my father raised always held the (pawn) piece, looking ahead, and kept moving.
Tidying up endings and beginnings neatly, my behavior seems to have been shaped by my father's teachings.
The path I, the "Moving Enthusiast," chose... gazing down at homes like shogi boards, reading spaces, guided by the (pawn), nurturing growth...
What does it mean to be "nurtured with care"? It's an intangible essence, much like a seed of a flower. Recognizing it is challenging - the shape of love.
Because I was nurtured with care, given deep love, that's why I left the nest early.
Brainwashing, images, even the world of storybooks - anything would do. Actually... there's no reason for the outcome.
In fact, there's no reason for the outcome. If leaving the nest early means more challenges, so be it.
More challenges mean stronger rings of growth, denser structure.
No matter the difficulties that arise, becoming an unshakable giant tree... it doesn't matter whose fault it seems to be.
Eventually, the time comes when you realize it wasn't anyone's fault.
It's okay to regret as much as you want. The regret you felt at that moment... even if a considerable amount of time has passed before finding an answer, the determination to start anew from that moment will shape your attitude towards life.
Sending love, gratitude, and respect to my father.
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